This supernatural journey I had been on for 10 or so years had finally slowed down. I didn’t stop believing in God, I still believed the same things, but somehow I knew something was missing. Keep in mind I had been a part of booming churches and I saw God move in ways I couldn’t explain. I saw good happening to people inside these doors, but outside I saw a hand written sign that was reminiscent of the “NO GIRLS ALLOWED” signs we used to have at the club house. Except these signs read, “No gays allowed, No questing allowed, or marginalized, no homeless, no outcast, no misfits…
I remember the days when being a Christian was simple. Being a Christian was more about avoiding the “bad” things life had to offer; profusely apologizing to God on the many occasions when I mess up, sin and even think of doubting.
Lest I forget the staple of the Christian life, guilt; guilt when we mess up, guilt for missing one Sunday service, guilt for humming the newest secular hit, guilt for our sexual humanistic thoughts, guilt for the doubt that we may struggle with, the anger we feel when a loved one is taken in a moment from us. Most of all, the guilt we feel when we can’t live up to the Christian model that is dangled in front of us. I always felt like I could never live up to what God wanted me to be.
I miss those days when being a Christian was more about looking and acting a certain way. Now my journey is moving in a new direction.
I am beginning to walk down a new path of faith; this road is, to some extent, reminiscent of the former road traveled. The only difference is my awareness to how God sees me and others around me.
The Christian walk, for many of us, becomes repetitious, mundane, consistent and more focused on pleasing God rather than trusting God; more focused on pleasing man rather than serving man. The latter two Jesus spoke of and said, “These two, hang all the words of God.” (Matt 22:37-40) The Christian life, for most, will become filled with meaningless repetitions and traditions that boast a resemblance to the Pharisees in many ways, and many of us will be left empty and hurting.
As you will find, this is a book about singing songs and playing harps in Babylon, finding hope in Egypt and praising while wandering in the desert.
This book isn’t for the saint, but for the slave in Egypt, for the wandering, lost and misguided follower in the desert and for those that stand with Jesus and betray, deny and forget the very savior we devote our life to. This book is about what happens on this journey; the struggles we face, giants we encounter and what to do with the many different roads we are faced with.
Many times we tend to focus on the beginning of this race, or the end; salvation and eternal life have a propensity to run the discussion, when most of us are having trouble just being a Christian and heading out the door. If you are fine with your relationship with God, this book isn’t for you; you are blessed and I envy where you’re at on your journey.
For me, the Christian faith is exclusively for these moments; moments of pain and struggle. This book is for all of us, wherever our relationship with God may be. This book is intended for those on a journey (and walk with this Jesus) who want to know, what now?
If you don’t have a belief or faith, but are pondering the thought of a different kind of spiritual walk and are asking, what now? This book is for you. If you have walked away or taken a break from the Christian life and are hesitant to go back, so you find yourself asking, what now? This book is for you. If you’re a Christian and have found yourself asking more and more questions about beliefs that you used to defend ruthlessly, for some reason they just don’t settle well anymore. This book is for you.
I want to stand with those who need a God who meets them when a loved one passes away or when the cancer comes back… when life is happening.
despite all I saw and experienced. I was still empty. I was still confused. I had nowhere to turn.
So, more than ten years after my initial conversion experience and after ten years of teaching what God had shown me to countless groups of people, I decided to walk away from it all.
I wasn’t rejecting the faith, I didn’t set myself up as an enemy of God to oppose him, nor did I harbor any ill feelings towards the Church. I just decided to take a few years to myself; away from the ministry, away the politics, away from it all. I decided to let God speak for himself, when I needed him to do so the most.
I apologize for those who read for those Hebrew Greek nuggets, next time I promise. If you enjoyed this I would encourage you to download or purchase my new book An Emerging Spirituality available on Amazon.com or Rickymaye.com and others.